[The shit here may be cheap and horribly named in the name of love, but if he's going to be made to attend this, then he'll make sure it costs them in cheap booze and crude commentary. If this guy wants to join him, the more the merrier.]

I mean, when you first got here what'd they roll out as a welcomin' mat for you?

This looks like such a downgrade in comparison to mine. It's just a bit too normal.

[Too simple not to be off putting if you just got here. He almost feels sorry for them all. Almost.]