[ of course octavian understands without him having to say a word — understands the need to feel, to be certain of his own existence, to anchor himself to something else, someone else, to say without saying that you are here, i am here, we are both here right now, this is real.
because it is a terrifying thing, death — and no one knows that better than octavian.
they stand there until the combined support from octavian and viktor's good leg are no longer enough to hold him upright, until his eventual collapse might be far more physical than metaphorical; and so he holds on with one arm, still, the other reaching for his crutch, leaning on it once more without moving away at all.
and of course he knows; just as his own message had been all of it, i'm afraid and i will miss you even when i won't be aware of it and i'm sorry, so is it easy for him to hear everything octavian puts between the lines, there, every word that lingers in the air between them.
which is why he says, quiet and yet soft, ] I came to you immediately. After I woke up.
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because it is a terrifying thing, death — and no one knows that better than octavian.
they stand there until the combined support from octavian and viktor's good leg are no longer enough to hold him upright, until his eventual collapse might be far more physical than metaphorical; and so he holds on with one arm, still, the other reaching for his crutch, leaning on it once more without moving away at all.
and of course he knows; just as his own message had been all of it, i'm afraid and i will miss you even when i won't be aware of it and i'm sorry, so is it easy for him to hear everything octavian puts between the lines, there, every word that lingers in the air between them.
which is why he says, quiet and yet soft, ] I came to you immediately. After I woke up.