[It's always his goal not to make a scene. Don't stand out. Don't cause a commotion. Don't try to make enemies -- or friends. New kid survival tip number one: rocking the boat is bad for pretty much every reason imaginable. Yu has never been bullied or anything like that; he's never really stayed in one place long enough for it. But he's definitely felt his share of attention, and somehow, it makes him deeply uncomfortable.
... Like now, actually.]
I'd appreciate that. Thanks. [His smile is still muted, but a little more genuine.] Are there that many?
[It's almost as if he didn't bother reading up on this place or anything!!!]
PTSD, as it has been described to Jim, comes with a variety of symptoms. It manifests differently for everyone - which sounds like a bullshit way of saying that pretty much anything could fall under the diagnosis. Some people get angry, some get depressed; some are violently lonely, while some elect to isolate, unable to withstand the well-meaning company. Jim would like to say that he's an exception, but that would be...categorically untrue, and lately he's been trying this revolutionary idea called 'practicing honesty', so. It's true, he's experienced all of these symptoms at one time or another - which maybe lends some credence to the claim that they all fall under the Post-traumatic stress disorder banner - but he's not admitting shit, not out loud, at least.
The point, however, is that trouble sleeping is not uncommon - be it trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or even trouble waking up. Trouble all around, that's what PTSD did for a person.
Perhaps there's a part of Jim that knows it's a dream, deep down, but the picture is too vivid for him to differentiate - rolling fields, covered in fuzzy (yellow? orange? at times, blue; such is the nature of dreams, ever-changing and strange, not quite right but intrinsically known) spores, nothing but barren waste. He is 29 and he is 18 and he is 14 - but it feels like he's 6, desperation and loneliness and the absolutely crushing despair of hopelessness compressing his chest, making it difficult to breathe.
It's not all in his head, though, is it, because his bones are brittle and aching, too knobbly and visible, his skin uncomfortably tight around his joints. It is difficult to breathe, though Jim's managed a scrap of fabric over his mouth, to stop from taking in the spores. He remembers his own appearance less distinctly; he remembers how it hurt to move, how the cloth rubbed his face raw when he went on his fruitless supply runs - but looking at his reflection became less and less of a priority as the weeks had stretched into months.
Jim sits on the steps of the research station, heart pumping as quickly as it can these days, with a mess of cannibalized equipment in his lap. He licks dry lips, fingers shaking, but steady enough to twist wires together, activating the relay signal he'd built. He shouldn't be using it again so soon after the last signal - the one that had finally gotten through, he thinks, because the guards were on him so quickly last time - but Emmi had died two days ago and Tommy was certainly next, if the infection in his eye got any worse than it already was. Jim shakes out the trembling in his hands, ignores the sting of the electricity as he holds the wires together with thumb and forefinger, closing the connection.
"Mayday, mayday, mayday. This is Tarsus Colony Four, requesting immediate assistance for myself and eight other juveniles. I am at Research Station 6, but I - I can't stay long. General Kodos has declared martial law, and half the population is dead. There is a planet-wide famine - we have no food, and are in need of immediate medical attention."
Jim squeezes the wires, ignoring the burn, the seared flesh. His hands are a mess, they have been for weeks. It's no worse than all the rest. He has to stop the transmission soon, or risk discovery. "We will be killed if Kodos finds us. I repeat, mayday, mayday, mayday. We are in need of immediate assistance."
A pause, and the message finally takes on a new, pleading tone that betrays his youth. "Please...please help us. We can't last much longer. Over."
[It's a comfortable silence, despite his more unpleasant thoughts. Viktor's fingers pressing against his are a relief, grounding; this isn't real, and as much as he wants to stare at it, to savor it, he can't actually stay. Viktor keeps him focused in that way, a fulcrum to keep steady on.
And interesting point, about the memories. He's sure this is as real as it's ever going to get, given the circumstances, so it's a quietly soothing thought.
Eventually,] Yes. They encouraged us to pursue multiple disciplines. We... had fun.
[Hours spent at work on their little projects, or nothing at all. He misses it. Perhaps if he'd spent more time, back then... well. Nothing for it now.]
Thank you, by the way. [For what he said, for indulging this dream-memory, for being interested at all.]
[ it is almost a reverse of the moment in octavian's workshop, where it had been his touch that had been grounding viktor through his halting, painful explanation of the hexcore and its history — here, the scene is somehow more and less painful at once, beautiful and bittersweet, and he doesn't let go of octavian, lest he lose himself in the dream entirely.
as rio scuttles around them, somehow keeping to the edges of the moment, almost like she knows she doesn't belong there where the two men are conversing pleasantly, viktor thinks that he has stopped feeling like he doesn't belong. in the scene of this happy family? no, that is still not his place, but here with octavian is a different matter. ]
If there are memories of you two that you would share... I would like to hear them. Not now, necessarily, but...
[ not now because it isn't the point of this dream; but eventually, perhaps. then, turning to look at him fully, ] You of all people don't need to thank me.
[ and maybe this isn't really the perfect moment for it, but then is there ever a perfect moment for an experiment? especially one like this; as if sensing this, rio rounds him, gives his side a little nudge. and viktor has made a plan: if the experiment fails, he will say this is a custom from his homeland, with full knowledge no zaunite or piltovan knows much of it anyways, and so he can't be called out on it later; but that only if the experiment fails.
he hopes it doesn't.
so with a little half-shrug, he shifts his hand on his cane (yes, cane still, it's not morphed into a crutch yet) and leans closer, to press a kiss on octavian's cheek. as he draws back, ] But you're welcome.
"I dunno. Something. It's not like crimes usually eat up a lotta time."
But that's all said kind of offhandedly and without any real conviction behind the words. Hiei probably hasn't done anything and probably wouldn't do anything. He's got purpose elsewhere, so why risk that on toppling the political house of cards between the three worlds right now.
"Anyway... It's a mistake, right? So I'll just cut it," he says, casually enough, as he discards his school bags with a gentle toss.
The Jigen Tou comes easier than it perhaps should, too, forming it and utilizing it practically completed in a single gesture, the supposedly stray barrier swept away under one of the weapon's strange slices.
[ Hiei blinks, as if confused about why Scott was reiterating that point. To be fair, he is dense at best, and doesn't even really know what the hell his own feelings are about the redhead at this point. He just knows that they've been bickering more than anything else lately, and yet despite that they spend far too much time in companionable silence for him to think about dedicating some of his time elsewhere.
.. Truly his mind is an enigma of self-doubt and lack of understanding for positive emotions. ]
It isn't exactly hard to guess when I'm always sleeping in it. [ Plus.. plants are kind of Kurama's thing. He doesn't question the fox's judgments on plants anymore.
The fire demon makes a tsk sound as Scott accuses him of playing with the plant, still carefully unwinding the fiddly little thing while trying to prevent it from wrapping around his fingers again. ]
I'm trying to unwind it from my fingers without breaking it.
[ Since Kurama's growing it, after all. Or so he thinks anyway. ]
"You will go somewhere safe. I will be fine." And he could use a little exercise in killing something considering he's annoyed about all of this going on. Red eyes dart around them, both keeping an eye out for his supposed bigger enemy as well as finding somewhere to tuck Yukina away in. Of course there's nothing much to speak of, which is... strange.
Considering they'd been walking in town when they'd been stuck in place. The fire apparition is suddenly doing some mental maths, trying to figure out what the hell is going on here.
"Wait... this isn't right. Where did all the buildings go?" Now he feels distinctly confused, standing a bit straighter, less hunched and ready to spring and attack.
Not now, [he agrees, soft with this pseudo-nostalgia. Not now, they can't stay here, it would feel strange to talk about his memories of Sterling while his image sits a few feet away and enjoys a nightcap,] But someday.
[Someday, because he would like Viktor to know more about his brother. He would like Viktor to know a lot of things about his life, his thoughts and ideas— but someday. They do still have to walk the city, he remembers, and perhaps they should go soon before he really can't pull himself away from his family. He's nearly forgotten about Rio until she skitters around behind Viktor, which is wild, given she is a big pink animal—
He is paying attention to Viktor, though, and kissing his cheek is enough to pull his attention away from the happy family scene. Even the two of them notice, pausing in their talk for a few seconds to look back and forth between Viktor and Octavian, before Sterling chuckles and pats his son's arm as he turns away; he says something not-quite-audible, somewhere in the realm of "Oh, let them be."
Octavian says,] Oh.
[And wouldn't it be funny if Viktor was part of this tableau too, him and his Rio? But no, Viktor is the realest thing in here besides Octavian himself, Viktor who says he'll never be tired of him, who laughs at his not-quite-jokes, who received a rare and magical crystal from his home and decided to do something for him with it. Viktor who understands him on a strange and tragic level, who nevertheless wants to know more.
So, well. Octavian looks down at Viktor's other hand, not on his cane, lifting it to press a kiss of his own against the backs of his fingers. There.]
I am not too old for you, am I?
[Haha. Because that's the strangest thing about him.]
[She blinks at him as she takes in the boy standing before her.
>Aren't you a little short for a high schooler? >Where's your uniform? >No.]
I won't! [she teases cheerfully after inclining her own head in response. Like, it doesn't seem that weird. Maybe he forgot his uniform? And none of the teachers seem to be making a big deal about it, so as she normally does with things she deems strange -- she doesn't comment on it or even think twice. So many weird things have already happened in her life, this might as well happen, too.] Welcome to Gekkoukan High School! Do you know which class you're in yet? Oh, I guess I should probably ask your name first, huh?
Uh, the fact that you're even enrolled here says otherwise.
[It's Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters!!
Somehow, it actually feels a little strange to give this sort of pep talk to another mutant. Despite being a tour guide, it's kind of rare when he has to comfort someone about their powers. He can think of Jean, in a way, but that's because she has a hard time controlling them. Everyone else always felt comfortable with them.]
It doesn't have to be anything flashy. [His grin turns smaller, but still encouraging. What would Alex say?] Your power is a part of you.
[ Root keeps Hiram in the corner of her eye with the casual precision of someone tracking a threat, and starts poking around the elaborate kitchen as she goes to answer, ostensibly looking for something to eat or drink. She's not; she's looking for a suitably intimidating implement that she could use to torture Hiram if necessary.
She has more services on offer than just shooting. ]
That's so trusting of you, [ she asks with a slight pout, charmed by him giving her license to figure it out on her own. ] I'm running from Samaritan. It's always Samaritan.
The Machine can't speak to me right now so I'm on my own.
Almost as a reflex, her gaze darts up -- way up, in his case -- to just above his head as if expecting to see some kind of hint that he's a social link. She's already gotten the Universe card from Igor, though, and he and Theo had made it sound like her journey was over. And yet...]
Nice to meet you too, Narukami-kun.
[He seems more subdued, so she modulates her own cheer to be less overwhelming; still bright, but softer as she smiles up at him and takes a few skipping steps back. It doesn't sound quite right, being so formal with him, but-- no, of course she should be. She's never met this guy before, has she?
A thought to ask later, maybe. For now, she waves him closer, clearly expecting him to walk with her.]
Peter's strapped down to a slab toward the back of the room, and Root was dumped near the front. His voice starts filtering into her mind past the pain. Her whole nervous system is on fire, pain zipping across and up and down incessantly. She'd been injected over and over. Not experimented on, just tortured. Tried to make her talk and betray the Machine.
Root heaves herself onto her hands and then to her feet. She's unsteady physically, but the look in her eyes is past unsteady and onto deranged. If they're going to play dirty then so is she.
"You got tied down?" Her voice is hoarse. She walks heavily toward him. "You must be important to them."
He's here, alive, saved for later. Can she use that? Does she have a hostage? The Machine wouldn't want her to, but Root can't let the Machine die. The Machine gave herself up to save her and she has to go, has to get out of here. Whoever this is might have to be a necessary sacrifice. His life means nothing next to her god's, just like Root's means nothing.
If you say so man. [He shrugs, clearly not as interested being a babysitter, but whatever floats his boat. This arrangement sounds like something that will only benefit Scott in the end, so works for him! He can almost see him and Charles corralling a bunch of hyper mutants around and maybe going a little insane, but they'll probably be fine.]
You'd probably have to talk to the Professor to arrange something like that. Just be really convincing, as a tip. He's a telepath.
[He smirks slightly at Junpei.] Didn't know you liked kids a lot.
[What even is that?? But after a moment, Scott rolls his eyes behind his shades, figuring that guess he can come clean now. At least she's transformed back to normal--]
But if you're asking if it was an official one, nope.
[Said with a shrug as if not to dismiss the assertion that it's weird, because yes, it is weird, but the kind of weird where it's normal at this point. Lots of weird things have happened, and she's strong enough now that there isn't much in Tartarus that can stand against her anymore. It's just another Dark Hour mission to grind as much money as possible so she can go to the arcade and play Quiz Game.
Kotone's eyes go to the Evoker at the other girl's thigh, and that's honestly weirder than anything else. Still, maybe Mitsuru had mentioned recruiting a new member, and Kotone had forgotten? Everything feels weirdly fuzzy, but that must be it. Even if Kotone's SEES leader in battle, Mitsuru and Akihiko really are the ones making most of the decisions.]
Want me to let you fight the next Shadow? It's good training!
[Okay, Kurt doesn't have to go that hard in trying to convince Alex that he's not a rebellious teen still. He's definitely not going to believe that whole bit of him being a boy scout or being too serious! Scott almost groans in exasperation, but that feeling of something being off returns once more, especially as he sees the uncertainty in Kurt's own expression.
Alex oddly doesn't say anything, almost frozen, like everything's stopped except for the two of them.]
Alex...?
[Scott starts, frowning and looking more concerned, especially since he seems to flicker in and out of existence-- and maybe, even briefly, appearing younger with a more 'surfer bro' look.]
It, uh, it happens more than you'd think. And I'd like to try to avoid it if I can.
[He's quiet for a moment, thinking about where to start.]
Mukuro...he wants to destroy the Mafia, and he wanted to use me to do it. But to find me, he started fighting all of the strong guys in my school to draw me out. And that meant some of my friends.
I wasn't going to let him do it. And I didn't like his methods either.
[He’s on the verge of collapse. Sprinting in adrenaline is one thing, being dragged to run a good distance.. proven to be more difficult. Akutagawa’s stamina isn’t as great compared to his fight or flight mode.
It’s dragging to the point where he tries to retreat his hand from her just to take a moment to breathe. The guy is freaking scrawny for crying out loud. But yes, something is different here. The once calm woman is rushing. Something is obviously upsetting her, and not only the tone from her voice. Akutagawa slaps both palms on his thighs, kneeling over to catch up with his air, looking down.
He answers, still looking down.]
For… what.
[That last part drags from his breath.]
I’m… haa.. not taking another.. haa.. step. Explain.
[If she dares to go ahead of him without answering, bet he will Rashomon rope her here.]
[He teases, but there's something understanding that develops on Scott, like he knows where he's coming from. Okay, he doesn't actually want to be an uneducated asshole, but also...]
But I get it. Wanting to feel normal, at least a little. And part of that is just going to school and graduating, right? [And this is the only school for people like them. At least it's a good one.]
Do you want me to call you Summers? [she retorts easily, grinning all the while and shaking her head with a shrug.] I'm not worried about it!
[Her gaze flicks up a moment as if expecting to see a card floating above his head to signify that he's a social link but -- no, that part of her life is over now, isn't it? Igor and Theo had said she'd finished her journey. There's a nagging feeling that if her journey is over, she maybe shouldn't be here, but it's easy to ignore in the face of this new cute guy talking to her. He seems nice!]
Anyway, these are the club rooms. I'm part of the Library Committee, the Student Council, the Tennis Club, and the Cooking Club, [she lists off on her fingers.] There's also clubs for art, music, kendo, swimming, track, and others. It's a great way to meet people!
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expiationlogs2025-01-13 12:39 pm
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