The fact that Hiei has always been more tolerant of his touch than anyone else in their group only serves to make this that much more confusing for him. It isn't entirely that he doesn't remember the conversation that Hiei is so hung up on at all, but that in his mind it had only been a joke. It meant nothing and was so long ago that he's hardly equating that moment to whatever was bothering the fire apparition at present. Not only is the joke not at the forefront of his memory after a number of years, but he's simply not thinking about it to even connect these very obvious points, so much time has passed for him between then and now.
He wouldn't expect Hiei to have remembered it so vividly either, all things considered. It wasn't as if he hadn't already clarified that it was said in jest at the time, either.
With the increasing number of disputes and spats between them this new addition only gives him more factors to complicate things. More than anything, the fox is concerned. Hiei was very clearly upset, very clearly unwilling to elaborate or discuss it and Kurama has no idea what he might have done to cause the apparent conflict between them, but it was very obviously something he'd done - or, more accurately, had said.
“Clearly it is.” That doesn't change the fact that Hiei obviously doesn't wish to discuss it further. If he had the context for the other demon's discomfort, his response might be different, maybe teasing him for taking it so seriously even now, after all this time. Instead, he's treating the obvious upset at face value, frowning slightly.
“For whatever it- may be worth… I am sorry.” Not that he knows the real issue to be apologizing for, more that he's apologizing for having clearly upset Hiei in some way without realizing how. At this point he's inclined to back off and give Hiei some space but he does need to know if his efforts even worked first. The last thing he wants to do is leave him to deal with the fallout of this alone, especially now.
Kurama has no context for why Hiei may be more sensitive to some things, of course. He isn't exactly going around telling everyone about why he is so damn secretive or refuses to call any of them friends or any word that may make them seem close. It's his own damages that come to roost for the thousandth time now, doubly so when it comes veiled as even joking rejection.
The fire demon's eyes roll at the apology - he doesn't really know how to treat it otherwise, as unfamiliar with apologies or apologizing as he is, unsure of how the hell to proceed from here. His mood is edgy at best, ready to go and root himself in to the spot he knows he isn't easily visible in from most angles in the house and soothe his frayed nerves.
But then Kurama calls his attention back to his arm, and at the very least his glaring gaze is removed to his own arm again, presenting it for both of their inspection before turning it over.
[ Her answer seems to come relatively quickly, despite what they just shared between the two of them. ]
It doesn't work that way for me. I'm not sure I can ever go to any afterlife. [ Maybe a bit of a weird and cryptic thing to say - especially since the girl doesn't seem to elaborate, already having shared something here.
Or maybe this is so normal to her at this point that she doesn't feel the need to elaborate. Who knows. ]
So this can't be that. It'd be a pretty crappy afterlife, anyway.
[ Him, too? Miller's shoulders draw inward with a tense breath. It's evident he doesn't really like that answer, but the reason why is not so clear. Compounded over many a conversation like it. ]
Well, if you can delude yourself into thinking as much, it could be. It's what you make it, right?
[ Because it's not real. It's clear that Miller doesn't believe that. Before he says anything more though, he suddenly realizes that the natural inclination to change his stance after standing in one place for so long is now possible. Something they said must have worked. He quickly steps a few paces away as though there were a chance the frog might change its mind. ]
Shit. What a great note to end on!
[ Sarcasm, of course, but it is fitting in a sadistic way. Here he is again considering that all of them are dead and this is it. There's nowhere else to go. He looks back at Fandaniel. ]
Hurry, we can't have you getting stuck now, too.
me trying not to have minato ask ange if she believes in heaven and failing
[ Ange did just say she'd made a contract with a witch, so learning that she's doomed to never land in any afterlife kinda tracks. Or at the very least, this is something that makes sense in Minato's head despite being something terribly cryptic. ]
I guess.
[ Somehow, Minato thinks that it could have been much, much worse. He looks at her with a contemplative frown. ]
He does, at least, have the context of the stubborn separation between Hiei and Yukina, some details are easily enough filled in from there, even if he doesn't have the full extent of the younger demon's damages to figure out the finer details. The joke just never seemed important, hardly something for Hiei to take to heart all this time later, especially after he'd clarified it being said in jest when it happened.
Yet, here they are, dealing with it even now.
Although, if he's being honest, any other reaction to that confused apology probably would have been even more concerning than this entire exchange already has been. The dismissiveness of the eye roll is at least, true to form for Hiei. Something that feels like it has been missing from the entire exchange ever since that little piece of paper interrupted their evening earlier.
So much for helping others.
It isn't cold anymore, Hiei says and the fox smiles automatically with that answer, despite whatever else is going on, at least that much is a silver lining. It worked.
“Then I suppose there are no more conditions for us to worry about.” In other words, Hiei doesn't have to worry about Kurama trying to kiss him again, any time soon.
Only in Aldrip can two demons go out for what they hope is a quiet walk in the evening, maybe spotting a local or two, or a new creature they've never seen before, and end up... like this. Hiei hadn't expected this ever to come up if he's honest, but extraordinary circumstances or something like that. Being stuck in a simulation that made them address so many things he would have been very comfortable leaving in the dust of his mind instead of addressing being brought to the fore was possibly the best way to make him mentally fatigued, annoyed and sour about just about anything.
.... And hence comes tonight's unusual reactions.
The fire demon tosses Kurama a look for his mention of conditions to worry about, though it isn't his customary acerbic stare. Instead, there's a hint of something else, a little downward cant of his mouth that seems almost disappointed as well as a little flush of embarrassment about the situation before he turns away.
"Hn. Let's not go on walks for a little while then."
[ He understands. It did kind of feel like an oddly personal thing to say. He glances away, too, as she turns her eyes elsewhere. The familiar tiptoe of trying to asset an opinion like that into Anna's life makes him uncharacteristically conscious of his own words.
But unlike her, Ange sounds almost nonchalantly amenable to it, or at least not bothered by the suggestion. Even if Miller is sure it matters to her more than it appears on the surface. ]
Can't say that I blame your mother if that's how they treat their own flesh and blood.
[ He pauses, like maybe he considers if this is also a bridge too far, but then he says it anyway, voice dipping low. ]
I'm sorry that she was taken from you. My daughter also grew up without her mother. It is a role that no one else can really fill correctly.
[ There's a split second before her answer, though her tone itself sounds relatively steady when she answers. ]
Not really. Or rather-- I'm opting to not really believe in anything until there's actual proof of it. [ That's a deep cut that will go entirely over Minato's head..
But Ange doesn't really seem that bothered about it. There's the angle of her family and their deaths, sure, but she's not thinking about that one. Nope. Not in front of someone else! Won't catch her slipping! ]
It feels kind of useless to occupy ourselves with whatever might happen after we die.
[ Or, well, after they die for realsies. If the both of them are here right now, talking to each other, then they clearly haven't fully died for realsies yet. ]
[ Her gaze shifts back to him now. Maybe it's not ideal for him, she thinks, considering it does sound like he's talking about something pretty personal. Ange never likes it when people look at her while she's doing that.
But she can't help it. It's just-- this topic. There's no way she can't immediately be interested, entirely focused on what Miller is saying. ]
You raised your daughter by yourself? [ Being a single dad is definitely not among the facts Ange knew about the other. Far from it. She kind of thought Miller didn't seem like the type to have kids.. Married to the job and all. ]
[ That, they can agree on: no point in dwelling on what might happen after they truly died, or at the very least, after their consciousnesses faded away. ]
...I wonder where we are now then.
[ That was the dilemma, wasn't it? If this wasn't the afterlife, could it be some form of AI purgatory? That... seemed far too advanced for his time, Minato thinks. And little does he know, it'd probably be far too futuristic for Ange's as well.
He shakes his head. As said, probably no use in dwelling on it. ]
Maybe we'll be reincarnated instead.
[ And their souls are just here, waiting for their new bodies to be born in who knows where. ]
[ There is maybe one split second where he falls for that. It can be seen in his expression. It twists from incredulous to an exhausted glare, with a dismissive swat of his hand preempting how he proceeds to turn away.
Right. What was he thinking trying to be considerate to this guy? ]
Great. We're done now.
[ At least, Miller is done. Assuming there are no more wild interjections, he heads off his own way without looking back.
[ It's an old wound. So old, in fact, that he has forgotten what it used to feel like when it was still raw. He turns his head to find her looking back at him again and makes no effort to turn away.
The small hesitation that comes is... for a different reason. Like maybe the answer is more complicated than a yes or a no. ]
In a sense, yes.
[ Once he moves past that, he sounds much more sure, gripping an empty fist in the air. ]
But we in the Order look out for our own. I was but one of many with a family broken up by the war. We all did what we had to do to support those around us. It was the only way to maintain some semblance of a society underground. Those who were not able to provide physical labor did what they could to raise our children.
[Sorry, Richard, but how else are they going to live out a fantasy if they don't keep the dress on?
They don't protest being pulled down for the kiss; in fact it's awfully sweet, but if nothing else Morph is determined to make the kiss a good one. Their eyes flutter shut, and they slide an arm around Richard's waist to offer some support as they lean in a fraction closer. Morph keeps the kiss chaste, but presses their lips together more firmly, taking a moment to kiss him that much harder before they pull away from him.
The missiletoads are certainly happy, judging by the chorus of croaking happening around them, a few toads hopping up and down in excitement.]
[ The longer answer does answer the 'in a sense' part - is it since he didn't raise her fully alone? It does make sense to kind of raise the children as a group though, if the war conditions where Miller comes from were really that bad.
Ange does opt to believe they were bad, considering how freaked out he got about missiles here at the first word of them. She hasn't seen anyone else act like that. ]
... I'm sure she was happy anyway that you were around.
[ Ange seems to settle on, slowly saying it.
Slowly, because-- well, it's a rather personal matter for her too. She's thinking about herself as she's saying it. After all, she doesn't know his daughter, but what she does know-- ]
After my parents and older brother died, I wished pretty much every single day that at least one of them could have stayed alive to be with me. [ ... A pause, and then, making her feel even more vulnerable-- ] Even now I kind of wish that.
[ Ange is making a face as if she just smelled a fart.. ]
Gross.
[ Maybe a more appropriate reaction to an actual fart than to what Minato said, but it is her reaction to his mention of reincarnation. ]
There's no way I'd want to do this all over again. Besides, just imagine what sort of terrible person you could be reincarnated as. I could end up being a man. [ Ange-- Ange, what do you think Minato is-- Ange, hold on!! Slow down!!! ]
[ The truth is that he feels hesitation in taking credit for that and not simply because he had the help of the other refugees in Polis. He can't ignore his own daughter's suspected feelings on the matter. She would probably say that she raised herself.
But the two of them can only make assumptions about each other based on what they know, and it does not go unnoticed by Miller that the assumptions she makes about him are kind. Kinder than the reality.
The wrinkles in his brow deepen as his lips stiffen in a frown. ]
Ange...
[ At what point did the toad unstick his boots from the ground? He's not sure, but it becomes clear that he's able to go as he pleases now when he steps forward to place a hand on her shoulder. The grip is firm, but without aggression. ]
You are strong to have paved your way so far alone. But you aren't alone now. Even if your wish is out of reach, we are all in this together here. [ Or is it wrong for him to speak for everyone else when what he really wants to say is... ] I am with you.
[ At first she looks surprised the moment he touches her and speaks up like that. Ange's gaze is fully turned towards him for a moment, her eyes wide, the girl looking utterly stunned.
But then there's a sequence of emotion. Her lips tightly press together, she ducks her head a little, she looks away. It's not that Ange looks annoyed or angry, but there is something a little upset about her. Something upset that seems almost more.. sad, or flustered, or some weird combination of the two as she sucks in a breath, not looking at him anymore as she speaks. ]
.. you can't say that. [ She says, more quietly now.
Because-- It's true, okay! He can't say that! Because it's making her feel stupidly emotional, and that's bad. It's the reason she can't even look at him, because there's this weird tight feeling in her chest that tells her she'll cry the moment she does. And Ange absolutely can't cry. She can't let herself do it. ]
Don't you get it? ... Everyone who gives a shit about me dies or disappears.
[ All seems well because that comment gets an amused huff out of Minato. Yeah, she could end up getting reincarnated as a MAN. Terrible, terrifying stuff. ]
Or... maybe I wouldn't be a person at all.
[ That might be nice. He thinks he'd be all right with that. The creatures of the world lived much simpler lives, didn't they? Or even a tree might be a satisfying existence too, despite his potential fate of being sawed down and reduced to lumber. At least he'd be useful.
But for now, Minato shakes his head. No use in hypothesizing over things that might not happen at all. ]
...yeah. Never mind.
[ Forget about it. It was a mere passing thought. ]
[ Seeing the way she responds, shocked and then seemingly struggling to accept it, only makes Miller more assured in the decision to express what he had. The doubt that he was becoming too personal vanishes, and he keeps his hand steady on her shoulder. Even though she turns away, he keeps searching her face like he's trying to see it for himself, understand the emotion she's trying to hide away.
It's terrible. He doesn't believe it for a second, that she's the common denominator in all the the misfortune that has befallen her. But she's made it clear that that's what she believes, so rather than try to argue against it, he throws a dismissive hand into the air. ]
So what? Isn't that what happens to everyone here? Either we keep existing in this place, looking for answers that don't exist in perpetuity, or we disappear. No one can promise a clear outcome anyway, so why should I give a damn about that? I may as well be dead anyway.
[ He sounds quite sure of that point. It's not just figurative. The two of them may not be related, but he can't make that mistake again... If he never sees Anna again, then the ties they have here are all they have. ]
As long as we are here together, then the least I can do is stand by you.
yes! c: i'm fine with wrapping it up here, or you can give it a last tag!
[ A passing thought, but-- kind of a strange one, Ange thinks. It doesn't stray too far away from things they were already thinking and talking about, but it still makes her stare at Minato for a moment, wondering what he's thinking about.
(Especially when it's so often difficult with Minato to tell just what he's thinking. Is he actually being deep about it, or is it just that weird goofy side he's got that's rearing its head?)
In the end she decides not to ask. They've already shared a whole lot here today, after all. ]
.. maybe we should get going. [ She instead slowly suggests. ] You know, before they try to trap us in a round two of this entire thing.
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expiationlogs2024-12-09 08:17 am
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