expiationlogs | a broken heart

Entry tags:

a broken heart

Who: Gwen and YOU
Where: around Aldrip
What: Peter's disappeared, and Gwen's upset -- catch all for depression threads, including OPEN network post (closed prompts to be added later)
Warnings: discussions of death and grief, will update if anything else comes up

i: missing persons alert

[Gwen's been awake for a few hours, and her anxiety is not getting better. One Peter was accounted for, but the one she was dating? The one she had been so anxious about losing with the reboot? Yeah, he's nowhere to be found, and she's unable to contact him through either network.]

text; un: gwenstacy

hey so
has anyone seen a brown haired dork in a spider suit anywhere??
about 5'8"
usually looks lost

i woke up back home after the reset with our roommate but he isn't here
i can't pull him up on the network either
does that mean

[the message stops there because she knows exactly what it means and she's currently trying not to have a panic attack.]

ii: denial

[Peter can't be gone. This can't be happening. No, no, no. It was too soon. They knew they didn't have forever, but it wasn't supposed to end like this. She wasn't ready to lose him too. It wasn't fair.

But she also couldn't accept. He couldn't just be gone. Maybe he just got glitched before the system reset?? Maybe he was just safe in the backups?? Any chance that the backups meant Peter would be safe and sound meant she was going to guard the suit it was downloaded into with her life. Until they could figure out how to retrieve it, no one was allowed near it without her explicit permission, not to mention it was hidden in a place only a spider-person could even get close to it.

This level of denial over the first few days of October meant she wasn't going to stop looking for him. Gwen already spent a large amount of time patrolling and doing her civic duty as a friendly neighborhood spider, but she tripled her time out, searching every nook and cranny for any signs of Peter, refusing to go home when it felt so empty without him, let alone let herself rest when the constant worry about his safety weighed on her.

She even left Aldrip and went back to Ketsora, just because she had to go there and look around again herself. She just needed to see it again, to see if he just was the unlucky one to get left behind. Unfortunately, seeing that he wasn't there didn't make her feel any better.]

iii: wildcard

[Feel free to wildcard, or hit me up at crystallium or crystallium @ discord to plot something out! Anyone can find Gwen around town or at the Ketsoran wall during these first few days of the month. Once it really starts to hit her that he's really gone, she'll turn more isolating and rarely leave her house, unless someone drags her out. Stem club is about the only other place she would visit semi-regularly, and even that's going to be scarce.]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[ let's say this was after her stupid drunk log, and she managed to find some kind of clothing by the time she sees gwen speedily swinging by. rogue halts in her own hovering when she spots the teenager, and she decides to trace on behind her. ]

Woah, where's the fire, Sugah? — What's gotten you in a tizzy?

[In the city, she's not the only one prowling on patrol. Fauna prefers to patrol in her owl form's mobility, but for now, she wants the extra firepower of her primary form, just in case.

... A mysterious masked figure looking for something. The emblem of a spider- Spider demons are almost always evil, after all. There's gotta be something suspicious here.

So as Gwen investigates a back alley, a figure in red armor and a fox mask suddenly steps out, standing between her and the way back out.]

What are you looking for?

[Kurt himself is still new to this and how to figure out if someone's really left or not. He didn't have much to contribute to Gwen's original query, but it did get him worried about Peter. He was still getting to know the guy and would miss him if he was gone. But also, knowing that he and Gwen were together, he felt extra worried about how she might feel being separated from him like this.

He has been patrolling some nights to play superhero, though most of the time it just ends up being some extra night-time teleportation practice. And on this particular night, he manages to spot her after teleporting onto a random rooftop. And he tries to get her attention.]

Hey!

cant message him either

reboot might have messed with phones

[says the guy who gets a little uncomfortable about cd players, but either way he is trying to say optimistic]

i'll help you look

wait, peter's gone?

shit. did you guys not go together to one of the terminals? i thought i was the only one who got split from you

[His stomach drops reading Gwen's message. If his name isn't on the network anymore... that usually means only one thing. Maybe it's different, after the reset, but it's hard to say. All of his friends are still here. Why would Peter be singled out?]

i'll keep an eye out for him.

so he was with you until the reset happened? and didn't wake up with you?

we were at first
he stayed behind to hold off some guards while me and the other peter went through
he was supposed to catch up with us but
he never did
i was going to go find him once the reset was done but then we woke up at home and he didn't

[She still can't believe this was really happening. She had had a bad feeling going into this whole reset business, but Peter had insisted! He wanted to help the AI so bad.]

thanks

we got separated a little before
ketsora wasn't a terminal, it was a portal
there were too many guards so he sent us ahead
me and the other peter, i mean
but he never caught up with us

oh bloody hell. i was hoping all of you made it there together, but i guess not...

but hey. i'm sure he's fine. maybe he's just... i dunno, taking more time to get back or something?

yeah!
i wondered that too
or maybe it's another glitch

[she's in so much denial right now, can you tell?]

thanks
i'm wondering if maybe he just got stuck at ketsora
i might go check it out and look for him

[She's had six months in Aldrip to get used to the idea of all these other heroes, but sometimes, it still blows her mind. Especially when it seems like a bunch of these heroes are from universes with Peter Parkers, too.

She doesn't want to stop when Rogue catches up to her, but she makes herself pause, landing on a rooftop and crossing her arms. Thankfully her mask hides the worried expression all over her face, but her body language sure doesn't. She's on her toes, fidgeting, and doing everything she can to keep herself from pacing out of anxiety.]

I can't find Peter-- Spider-Man. The shorter one. He didn't show up back home after the reset.

[Thankfully, it isn't easy to sneak up on a spider-person. Gwen can sense someone approaching, but there's a part of her that doesn't even care. She's so hyperfocused on finding Peter right now that her own safety isn't her primary concern.

She only turns around when she's completely sure he isn't in this random alley she was checking out, and her body language is practically screaming in anxiety. She's bouncing on her toes and wraps her arms around herself as she steps towards the new stranger-- another superhero? This place really was filled to the brim with them.]

My, uh-- My boyfriend. He's missing. He didn't reappear after the reset.

[ no, she doesn't need to show her face to have rogue pick up her distress. the mutant is one of the x-men who can really detect how another person is feeling just by reading their stance, looking into their eyes, and listening to the sound of their voice. her tongue presses against her feet, holding her breath as she works around for something to say. leonard also seemed to have disappeared around the whole calamity of aldrip. ]

Oh...

[ she starts off, now deciding to gracefully land on the roof with her, then gently approaches. ]

There's someone I've grown a lil' fancier too who didn't show up here neither. His name don't show up on my phone no more. Like he had never existed in the first place.

[ ... ]

— But the thing is, I'm... kinda glad for it. That means he might have found a way home, and he's off safe and sound in his own bed, in his own room, where none of this can harm him. I'mma miss him, but... I don't wanna see any hurt in him from this place.

Edited 2024-10-03 23:01 (UTC)

[It's one thing talking about her worries over the network, but it's another when coming face to face with one of her friends here. Kurt knows them both by now, so he knows what Peter means to her, too, even if just on a superficial level. It's enough that when she sees Kurt in the distance, waving to get her attention and a knot forms in her throat.

How is she supposed to talk about this with someone that knows him too?

But she can't avoid Kurt forever, or avoid the conversation that's inevitably about to happen. So she swings around, landing on a ledge not far from him on the same rooftop.]

Kurt... hey. Out patrolling too?

[Just. Going to avoid the Thing for the moment.]

[They did it! They really reset the AI and successfully downloaded it into Peter's suit. Gwen had been cautiously skeptical, for good reason, but it actually worked. Sometimes things actually did work out for them.

She had barely been able to process the relief when she blinked, and found herself back in their bedroom. She sat up, blinking a few times with confusion as her mind cleared.

Right. The AI. Ketsora, then the Tower. Her and Peter 2 had done it. But then-- how'd she get home? Did the reset send her here? She scanned the room, and the strangely cold spot beside her, but there was no sign of her boyfriend. He hadn't made it to the terminal with them, so maybe he just hadn't made it back yet? How long had it even been?

She slipped out of the lower bunk, crossing the room and listening closely for signs of life.]

Peter? [It didn't matter which Peter answered, she just needed to know if they made it back here, too. The living area was clear, so she beelined to Peter 2's door, where she knocked hurriedly. She knew he was there. She could hear his lifesigns with no issue, so maybe it really was because they were in the terminal at the time of the reset??]

[Peter had to be stuck in Ketsora. That was the only explanation she would accept. He hadn't been at the terminal, so that was why he didn't get reset back to Aldrip, which meant he had to be stuck and needed her help!

Maybe it was stupid and foolish and all kinds of levels of denial, but it was the last option before accepting he was gone, and she didn't know if she could. Accepting it would mean letting him go, and she had already lost too many people.

No. No, Peter was fine. He would be fine, he would be.

It wasn't exactly a split decision that she made to travel there again, but she certainly didn't tell anyone she was going. She rented a chocobo like before, and made the long trek, not stopping until she made it to the same place they camped before. Any signs that they had been there prior was gone, making her stomach drop.

But that didn't mean anything. She still had to get to the wall, and get past the guards again before she would listen to any alternative. Peter had to be there. He had to be.]

[That is not what Gwen wants to hear. She wants to know Peter is okay and fine somewhere and just pulled another dumbass move to avoid her like he did after the whole Gnosia infection. She wants to yell at him for being stupid, but also hug him and tell him how worried she's been.]

He's...not showing up on mine, either, but--

[on one hand, she understands where Rogue is coming from. With anyone else, she might think the same, but with Peter, it's vastly different. And not just because she wants to be selfish and keep him here with her.]

No-- no, he can't go home, that's the thing. He died. If he got sent home, that mean he gone, and that can't-- he can't be-- No. No, he wouldn't leave me like that.

we tried but
too many guards
they really didn't want us going through that portal

yeah
yeah!
that has to be it
he just got stuck back at ketsora
it's not a quick trip so
he just
has to get back here

[these are the texts of someone trying to convince herself.]

[Ah.

Fauna had definitely been viewing Gwen as a threat, ready for a fight. But seeing that anxiety, and hearing those words... That makes more sense.

The reset. Fauna's cursing herself inside- If she had managed to break that console after all, maybe this guy wouldn't have vanished....]

Got it. What's his name? And what's he look like? I'll help you look.

[He knows she could use someone being there for her in person. Part of him does wonder if he is close to enough to her to really help, but he's found her now. He might as well try to see what support he can provide! Though he knows better than to bring it up right off the bat, at least.

He gives a smile as he comes closer to the ledge.]

Yeah, it's a nice night for it! Weather-wise, at least. It doesn't look like there's much crime or other badness going down, but that just makes it like a relaxing cruise around town.

[ there's a sharp chill that strikes through her heart, and her entire body ices in place as gwen breathes out her unease before her. her lips thin tight as she keeps her silence, remembering the overly heated discussion she had with charles via network. a dark cloud of guilt descends and looms heavy, and rogue curls her trembling fists into boulders. she knows she should say something here, to console the other, but what can she say when there's a lump so massive in her throat that she fears it might suffocate her?

'some people don't have a home to go to.'

the mutant turns her head away briefly while squeezing her eyes shut, wanting to block out the reminder, but... she knows that she shouldn't run away from it. it won't do her or gwen any good if she did. because right now, she needs someone, and what better mutant to be there for her than the most compassionate hero out of all the x-men? exhaling out a low and quiet breath, rogue lifts her head and carefully paces forward to gwen, a caring hand rest ever so softly onto her right shoulder.

still, she says nothing, but that's because she doesn't need to. and although the teenager's face is shielded away, rogue's expression sinks softhearted and sympathetic. a face that won't carry any judgement if she wishes to remove her mask and bawl out in anguish. a look that if gwen wants to scream or punch down at the roof tiles they're standing on, she won't stop her in the slightest. whatever she chooses to do, rogue won't leave her, and will be by her side until she feels remotely okay to stand on her own two feet again with her head held high. ]

Edited 2024-10-04 05:20 (UTC)

maybe we can find something at ketsora, if you already haven't gone there.

i don't want to give up on him either.

[Especially if he is 'back home,' then... he's gone. And fuck that's so hard to think about, knowing one of his friends won't wake up again.]

[ The terminal reset didn't quite go as planned. Nothing ever did, especially in Aldrip, but Jim had thought - maybe this time. Maybe just this once. No. It turned out that the euphoria Jim and Spock had found, waking up in their own bed, in one piece, was not the same across the board. People had died. People had disappeared.

Peter was one of them.

It was unclear what exactly had happened. No one Jim had been able to wrangle for an after action report could recall where exactly the spiderteen was when the stars went out. The other Peter and Gwen had gone through the portal first, and arrived at the terminal without incident. Charles had gone through and ended up in another location entirely. Peter and Shinji - Jim wasn't sure if they'd made it to the portal. If they had, they hadn't ended up anywhere they could be tracked. If they hadn't...they also hadn't reset with the rest of the Chosen when the world rebooted.

Gwen, to no one's surprise, isn't taking it well.

Jim knows she's in deep denial. He can't blame her, either, knowing that none of the options point to Peter being alive and well. He's either stuck somewhere in the code of the world they're inhabiting, or he made it out - and if the latter is the case, then ostensibly, he went home. Went home to his own demise.

Yeah, like he said, he gets why she's in denial. It's not a pleasant thought, and as much as Jim desperately wishes it weren't the case - all signs are pointing to one conclusion or the other. Regardless, it doesn't really matter. Contemplating the unknowable isn't going to help anyone, least of all Gwen, who's still stuck here, for better or for worse. Peter's not here, and that in and of itself is problem enough.

Jim puts a low grade track on Gwen's comm, just in case, and the alert comes shortly after breakfast: that she's more than fifteen miles outside the city limits. Jim only has to watch her path continue to blink for another ten (as he's grabbing his shit and packing a bag) before he knows where it is she's going.

He gets this, too, even if he knows it's pointless. Wanting to be sure, needing to be sure. Searching for answers in the only place she might be able to get them, even if they all know it won't turn anything up. Jim can't rightly say he would be any better, if it had happened to his person. He even understands why she went it alone, not even taking the other Peter with her - probably not wanting to hear any nay-saying, whatsoever. That's the only part of this whole thing Jim actually has a problem with, though - going it alone.

...yeah, he knows he's a hypocrite. He's learning, okay? Do as he says, not as he does, or whatever.

Jim steps out of the brush behind her, intentionally shifting his weight from the balls of his feet to the middle, telegraphing his approach. He caught up to her about an hour ago, but he's been keeping his distance, up until they came to the wall. He's been hauling ass, actually, to catch up, and Jim raises his hands in a 'don't shoot' motion, pack strapped high on his shoulders. ]

Mind telling me what a gal like you is doing in a place like this, on your own?

[uh....................................]

usually that means they left
but you said you haven't seen him since the reset?

[Gwen could've easily brought someone along. She had more than enough people offer to help her search. But honestly? If she didn't find any signs of him, she didn't want anyone there. This was her last shred of hope, and if it fell through?

She didn't know what she was going to do. She had already lost so much. She couldn't bear the thought of losing Peter like this.

But she wasn't going to accept anything until she knew. Knew he wasn't trapped in the backed up data. Wasn't trapped at the Ketsoran wall. She wasn't giving up hope, because hope was the only thing keeping her going right now.

It isn't often that anyone can get the upper hand on one of the spider-teens, but Jim knows them well at this point. He had even fought against her, after that dark infection had taken him over. She shouldn't be surprised that he predicted her moves, or somehow tracked her, and yet, surprise crosses her face when he steps out into the clearing behind her. Her senses warned her something was there seconds before, but he wasn't a danger, so it wasn't as intense of a warning, but she still should have heard him. She should have known someone was there way before he appeared, but she was so distracted, so focused on her own mission that she ignored any other input from her senses.

It's a blessing, at least, that he didn't set off a true warning in her mind, so she didn't immediately spin on him with the intent to hurt him. But she does spin around to him with surprise. Her mask stays in place as a defense mechanism at this point, because she knows her eyes are red. She knows her hair is a mess, and she knows the circles under her eyes are deep. She doesn't need more lectures for Jim than what she's about to get.]

-- Jim?? What-- What am I doing here? What are you doing here? Did you follow me? [She stiffens at the "on your own" comment, as if she hadn't been on her own for the first two years of being Spider-Woman. She wasn't just a regular, powerless kid. She was a superhero. She could handle a recon/rescue mission, no sweat. She didn't need an adult following her and treating her like some child.

Even if she hated being alone. Even if she hated the empty space the lack of Peter had left her with. She hated walking up to a cold bed. She hated the looks the other Peter was giving her, knowing the grief she was feeling right now all too well. The look Jim was sure to be giving her soon, too. She hated all of it. If she could just find Peter, bring him home, she'd show them, and everything would be fine--]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Page 1 of 6

a broken heart

ii

ii.

II

i. un: mrmurasaki

i.

text; un: shades

no subject

text;

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

closed to peter 2

closed to jim

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

this ran away from me screaming i am so sorry

text

don't be sorry ❤️