[closed] call me curious george the way i keep asking questions

[bonobos]

Who: Sha-Ming and assorted
Where: Aldrip
What: A closed log comprised of custom starters for the month of May; if you would like to do something, just hit me up at moontrip -- I don't bite!
Warnings: None as of yet.

Comments

minato

[bonobos]

[ feeling organs, nerves, tissue come to back to life -- it's like learning how to walk again. his body moves sluggishly, every light too blindingly bright, every motion oddly exhaustive.

he knows the route back to his room well enough by now. it's muscle memory; and so his feet carry him there instinctively, eyes flitting back over his shoulder as if to constantly survey his surroundings.

when he enters the hallway leading up to his room, his footsteps are feather light. he slinks into the shadows, hands in his pockets, eyes tired and distant. the door next to him maneuvers open with a turn of a knob.

he sees him, then. ]

...

[ what is there to say, really? ]

Hey.

[ "i'm sorry -- that i worried you. that i got you dragged into my mess. i didn't think you cared. i wish you didn't. ]

[memori3s]

[ On the seventh day, Koromaru catches a familiar scent in the hall. He leaps to his feet and barks urgently at Minato's door. Minato glances over and watches from his seat on the bed, wordlessly, as the person he's been searching for finally enters the room.

He swallows, visibly. Had Koromaru not started barking furiously as Sha-Ming entered, he might have written this person off as a figment of his imagination, a trick being played on him by his fatigued mind. He'd lost all desire for food and sleep. The only thing that stopped him from wondering whether he'd developed Apathy Syndrome was the fact that he remained keen on searching for Sha-Ming. ]

...hey.

[ Koromaru whines and presses himself against Minato's side. His human companion raises a hand to tangle his fingers in the dog's fur. ]

I made sure no one tossed your stuff.

[ A beat. ]

Kotone and Cloud helped.

[ Spotted him Sha-Ming's portion of the rent, he means.

And though he'd like to throw those very words Sha-Ming spoke at the clinic, they all die on his tongue. The fact that he's been here, waiting like a dog who'd lost its master, must speak for itself. ]

gogol

[bonobos]

[ the first time he'd ever been to a city, it was a mausoleum to him -- a labyrinth beyond his understanding. this was how humans lived, how they thrived. shining, smiling faces, the bustle of laughter and conversation, sleek modernity and glittering towers.

he remembers the way they looked at him, then. condescension, alienation. a human can always recognize an animal in the wild.

his gait is brisk and easy, lips flattened into a thin line; it was easy to blend in amongst the crowds in most places, but particularly so in aldrip, where civilians were lacking in any real perception. how convenient.

he sees a familiar silhouette. his prey instinct kicks in, heart racing, trepidation in his veins. he continues walking regardless, his pulse gradually slowing into something more comfortable. he can't help himself; it's a black hole, drawing him in.

sha-ming rests his arms against the back of the bench. he's dressed in a black letterman and jeans, necklace dangling from his throat as always. ]

Bread's bad for birds. [ he speaks in an even tone.] They can't digest it properly. Try somethin' else, Niko.

[bonobos]

[ everything minato says goes in one ear and out the other. he can see the paleness in his face, the shadows cast beneath his eyes. he looks weak. fragile. misery twists in sha-ming's gut, a knife plunging into him.

for a moment, he is at a loss. relief and guilt tug at his brain in equal measures, laying claim over him. he tries hard to maintain a level expression. ]

Thanks. But you haven't eaten. [ is all he says. a silence passes. ]

...Let's go grab a bite.

[ hands back into his pockets. ]

And you'll go to bed right after. [ a beat. ] Ok?

[ he descends, crouching to a knee -- before reaching his hand out to run his fingers through koromaru's fur. ]

I'm countin' on you to take care of him, Koro-chan. Think you can do that?

[memori3s]

[ "Arf, arf!" goes Koromaru.

"Of course, I've had a lot of practice."

He was there doing exactly that for those few months after Nyx's defeat. And though no one else had sensed it, Koromaru could detect those small changes in Minato, the little things that cumulatively indicated he was fading away.

Minato rises, responding with a small nod. He'd eaten earlier in the day, but that was only a single meal for someone who typically had an incredibly healthy appetite. ]

...okay.

[ He'll join Sha-Ming for food, but as for the other request, ]

...I don't want to.

[ Maybe he sounds petulant raising that objection. He can't find it in him to care. What if he wakes up the next morning only to find that Sha-Ming's vanished again? ]

into the woods to free the titties

[cursegod]

[With no clowns to bother her and her head clear of any angst related to The Feels, Dara has returned to the woods! The place she typically returns to to relax. Although the scenery has shifted somewhat since her extended nap, she's able to relocate her favorite spots after slithering around for a bit. (Both ground and treetops are fair game for wandering.) It's been awhile since she's felt comfortable enough just letting her tail be rather than staying in a hyper-aware state by morphing it into "legs". Without the threat of losing control, it's now time to stretch her muscles a bit. But before all the roaming, she folds up her clothes and hides them in a tree hollow. Freedom!!!

There's a certain waterfall that she always gravitates to for clearing her mind. The spring waters are deep enough to submerge the length of her tail, and a convenient rock at the bottom of the falls makes for a great spot to meditate. She may not be able to sense the cold anymore, but it's refreshing to let the flowing water to surge over her.

Aside from lounging in the tree-tops and surveying everything from high above, Dara happens to glimpse a new area that is unfamiliar: a large boulder sitting atop a hill. What's perfect about it is that the size of it has made it hard for trees to completely overshadow it. That means it's an ideal basking spot! When she finally arrives to her destination, the curse god immediately flops down to soak in the sun. She may enjoy the water more, but she can also appreciate a nice warm place. (A distant sense, maybe, but still warm nonetheless.)

No worries, just reconnecting with nature and enjoying the freedom of being a monster in the woods.]

[quizpersona]

[ A big hand is midway through delicately pinching off a piece from a loaf when a vaguely familiar voice floats over. As a widened eye shifts over to confirm, recollection of the expression worn during the last time he saw this guy-- when he had strangled him to death-- occurs.

Yet now the goggled man is approaching with the intention of striking up a conversation. A not-so normal reaction--a thought he has accompanied with inner glee. ]

I know, [ A low drawl with audible regret reserved for the birds. ] but there wasn't exactly a lot left in the pantry after so long!

[ Not many people tend to approach during birdfeeding time so it's one of those rare occasions to be wearing something less eccentric. It's kind of a nice peacoat actually, with something black and white tucked in as the underlayer. ]

Unlike any human these guys are always free to fly away if they don't like it.

[bonobos]

[ honestly, he looks nicer like this — an inappropriate thought to have about a man who smashed your knuckle in, but it could be worse. sha-ming raises a brow. ]

Not how that works, pal. The average bird doesn’t have the intelligence to pick apart which food sources are good for them and which ones aren’t. So long as it’s readily available they’ll take it.

[ and another thing— ] Just because they can fly doesn’t mean they’re free either. The reason they can do that to start with is ‘cause their bones are hollow. The second they can’t migrate somewhere safe, they’re screwed. So you might wanna think that one over again.

[ a sigh. suddenly, he disappears out of sight, striding away from the bench. he’s back in a matter of minutes, presence entirely unannounced, only to park himself onto the bench besides nikolai. there’s a decent amount of distance between them, but sha-ming reaches out to offer what is a fresh fistful of birdseed. ]

Here. Can’t imagine the stuff they have out here is clean, but it beats bread.

[quizpersona]

[ Well that's that, Gogol thinks, while watching the retreating back. Guess he's satisfied in infodumping biology facts before retreating? But then goggles returns to park his nerd-ass back down on the bench and isn't that an interesting turn of events. Nikolai laughs aloud—a lively sounding ahehe—and it's because of the obvious distance between them on the bench. As if that'll do anything if he wanted to do something nefarious. ]

Oh, is that so? [ An impish grin appears. ] You sure found this quick!

[ Some would say that means he's up to no good. What happens is that Nikolai activates The Overcoat to send his right hand to reach over from the left of Sha-Ming to take the handful of bird seed. Go on bro, give those seed to the disembodied hand. While it's held out patiently the rest of it from the wrist down disappears from sight into a glimmering yellow portal. ]

[bonobos]

[ ah, yes. the accursed laugh, like nails on a chalkboard. there’s something boyishly endearing about it too. sha-ming opens his mouth to speak before he’s promptly interrupted by a disembodied hand that breaks the laws of physics itself, and he jolts, jumping in his seat— ]

What the hell—

[ a sigh. he offers the seed to the hand nonetheless, like this is another day in the life, nothing more. then he leans back against the wood of the bench, head canted, silence passing in between the two of them. the words he wants to say are caught in his throat, trapped there, as he ruminates endlessly on how to get them out.

it’s been a long time since he’s apologized to anyone — or since anyone’s apologized to him. the word “sorry” is mostly nonexistent in his repertoire at this point in his life. his heels skid against the ground, fingers picking at one another in a subtle little show of anxiety. not at the idea that nikolai will do something to him, no — at the idea of speaking something so simple into the world. ]

I’m…

[ he swallows. ]

I’m sorry. For asking you to kill me. I put you in a bad spot. You went easy on me and I know that. So… yeah. I’m sorry. Being a selfish bastard is kind of my thing… but…

I shouldn’t have done that to you. I mean that.

[quizpersona]

[ That's the kind of reaction that's always at least a bit entertaining to witness. Naturally it draws out another bout of irritating laughter. It's fleeting because the jubilant expression turns contemplative following the silence and ensuing apology. The fact that there is an apology coming his way legitimately gives him pause. ]

Good gracious, you make it sound like I didn't choose to play along!? You know Goggles you might have a screw loose yourself if you're really here to apologize to a madman who abducted and murdered you.

[ Nikolai leans forward as he begins to say all of this, that's where his attention splits between that and offering some of the seed to a pretty little pigeon that's shown interest. Although that's quickly and surprisingly abandoned when he pauses in thought—only to deposit some seeds on the ground in favor of leaning back to peer at Sha-Ming directly with a unsettling grin. ]

I oh so hate to shatter the illusion—but agreeing to that was actually something I got to decide myself. Now doesn't it sound like a thrill to do so when there was this itty bitty compulsion to do good nagging the back of my mind? I think it does! and it was.

[ Although he'd stared listlessly up at the ceiling for some time after— ]

Question is... Did you find what you were looking for in death?

[bonobos]

[ he watches the way his expressions shift between extremities, eyes unexpectedly shrewd. the pause is noteworthy to him; indicative of surprise, of inexperience. ]

What're you gonna do about it if I do?

[ spoken calmly. maybe he's always known -- that there's something wrong with him, and that everyone can see it. does it really matter? it's not going to change. nikolai's attentions drift, and sha-ming goes along with him, the slightest bit surprised that he returns like a buoy in the sea. ]

This your attempt at making me feel better? That's cute. [ a drawn out beat. ] This is gonna sound weird, but...

I'm kinda glad you did what you did. I spend all this time wondering when someone's gonna turn on me, or show the worst of themself... when they're gonna get the jump on me and grind me into dust, spit on my corpse or whatever. That's just how people are. But you took off the mask real quick, even if you spared me more than you wanna admit. Yeah, you're always lying about something, but it's not like I'm any different.

[ that question -- huh. sha-ming raises his arms, bracing the back of his head against them. his eyes flicker up, watching the sky aimlessly, not quite present. ]

I dunno. [ another silence. ] It's funny... how even when your brain knows logically that you're gonna come back-- your body doesn't process that. We're programmed to be afraid of death, even when we want to convince ourselves otherwise. I saw a lot of things I forgot... and things that weren't real too. My friends must've thought about me before they died, too. But...

I don't think it put me any closer to them. They died because someone wanted them gone -- all 'cause they acted up and wanted to be free. I died because I asked you to kill me. So... it's weird. I've been thinkin' about it a lot, in this big 'ol brain of mine. We can't really die in this city cause they're usin' us for an experiment. So I probably won't get it until I truly, actually die. The thing about dying is that it means you won't ever see someone smile, or laugh, or cry or hear them talk again... it's the end of your existence, the big bang, you feel?

But it's not like that here. So it doesn't actually mean anything at all.

[quizpersona]

Not at all~ [ A swift, confident, and sing-song interjection to deny the accusation that he's doing anything to cheer anyone up. Fact is death is rendered moot and there was no solid reason to torture Sha-Ming for long. Following that interjection he waits very politely for the guy to finish sharing those thoughts- so the next part sounds particularly, and pretty much comically, belated. ]

and I wouldn't do anything about it! This is a pot calling the kettle black— Isn't that great? If anything I'm gonna use that to twist the knife when it's going to hurt most.

[ Something about showing his hand—or lying again. Pressing a palm against his cheek in a mock-bashful way Gogol cheekily beams at him. Officially leaving it up to Sha-Ming to figure out which he believes is true in this case. An attempt at obfuscation... might be familiar. ]

'Cause you've got to know you're confiding in one of the least trustworthy and predictable people present?! So! I am starting to feel bad for you here. But you know now how disappointing death is so that's something you've got going for you... Since you're halfway there I'll go ahead and give you an even more exciting spoiler about this place. Ready for it?

[ Turning that palm to cover over a grinning mouth he waits a moment to drum up the anticipation for what will be said next. As seconds tick by he leans in closer inch by inch with a gaze that's trying to burn a hole in the side of Sha-Ming's face ...There's so much to unpack about Gogol's relationship with death and people being gone in this place. Certified moment of being off-putting on purpose. ]

True or false! Based on the definition you just gave disappearing or watching someone else disappear is more like death than death itself.

[bonobos]

[ he lets him speak, mostly watching boredly at any displays of grandeur. he was surprisingly adaptable; the theatrics are to be expected at this point. ]

You're saner than you look.

[ stated very plainly. insanity was a particular thing -- often associated histrionics and unpredictability. but sha-ming's lips quirk up, that characteristic arrogance brimming along his mouth. a challenge: something he only posed when he was entirely confident in his assessment. ]

I figured that out, y'know? Let's say you were an animal... a bird in a cage, and I was studying you. I'd be able to track your thought processes even though they're kinda unpredictable at a glance. There's motive behind them. You know what you're doing and why you're doing it. From our first conversation, to you killing me, I could probably break down the reasoning behind all of it. People like you are the most dangerous. 'Cept your issue is, you're sensitive as hell. Got tender feelings that you like to keep buried beneath the surface. They twist your brain up, drag you in different directions...

I feel worse for you than I do myself.

[ real insanity -- to him, is whatever his parents were. prim, proper, perfectly placid people who could rationalize anything and everything without a care in the world. they hid behind well crafted masks that would not shatter in the presence of sentiment. they would find nikolai to be horrifically human. ]

You're trying too hard, pal. But ok. I'll listen to ya.

[ ah yes, back in uncanny valley. sha-ming quirks a brow, expression very much giving "this guy...", a hand coming back to rake through his own hair. his expression is inscrutable for a moment-- something very eerily calm. ]

Here? Yeah. But you know...

I remembered something recently. This life...where I grew up, and knew something was wrong with me, but could never pinpoint what. And it felt like everyone could see it... like everyone knew I was the odd one out, the thing that was wrong with the universe...

And then I got on the ship, yeah? And these aliens tried to kill us. They were putting everyone in cold sleep to try and survive. They got all the aliens, the Gnosia but...

They didn't get me. Rookie mistake... I can't blame 'em. So you know what I did? I held my hand out. And I destroyed the entire universe, just like that. I didn't even care. I couldn't bring myself to. It's like I always knew it was gonna happen anyways, so why the hell not? The only creatures I could call friends were gone anyways. Everything disappeared. My crewmates, the ship, all of the shithole planets, my memories, me... just like that

Death's the expiration of the body. The extinguishment of consciousness, though... does that scare you, Niko?

[quizpersona]

[ His breath hitches audibly. What do you do when you're a big scary terrorist, a cruel murderer, a being with an ability no person should have—and someone calls you sensitive and sane and it's not altogether incorrect? Not entirely correct, either, mind you. The use of a metaphor he usually presents to others himself... The persistent, consistent effort to dissect him. A different kind of laughter builds up in his chest; it shakes his shoulders silently. ]

You think so? Conversely, I wonder if you can. So let's trade a question for a question. Here's a scientific inquiry just for you! At what point can a sane man live in a state of false madness before truly descending into it? Take your time thinking about that one, in the meantime, I'll answer yours...

[ He should be issuing that warning he's given out to just about anyone who has tried to pin down and preserve his sense of self—studying and recording it certainly counts. But from the way his voice stirs it sort of sounds like he's just barely not kicking his feet back and forth in giddiness. ]

No. [ He answers, then mutters further. Choice of words selected carefully. ] I don't want it to scare me at all.

Since it goes against the core instinct of survival I could agree to something like being extinguished.

[ Sha-Ming is just a little too calm for his liking. Hearing this story it's expected that his face should be pinching in pain and misery yet all there is all calm. He should keep his hands to himself, Nikolai thinks— and immediately fails when he hooks his finger in the necklace Sha-Ming has on. Mindful not to break it Nikolai uses it to pull the younger man down and closer as he jeers down at him. ]

Hmmm... That all sounds veeery impressive! Are you going to do it again anytime soon?

toph

[bonobos]

[ the coming week trickles like honey, time indelibly slow. sha-ming takes to the outskirts of town, closer to where thickets of trees pockmark the lands, and makes a point to perch himself atop a branch.

he stays there, like that, for hours on end on the daily; people were keen on keeping to the confines of the city. it was safer, busier, less lonely--

but solitude is easier for him right now. so he sits, legs dangling idly, ink smearing against pages. notes. lines upon lines worth of notes, incessant and long. grass rustles, the breeze careening by. someone's here. he squints through the slats of his glasses and--

ah.

a drawn out beat. ]

...Uh. [ ... ] Hey, boss... didn't know you hung around here...

kotone

[bonobos]

[ he lingers around the perimeter of the farm, seated on a fence -- for quite some time, he stares almost seemingly aimlessly, eyes settled on the animals, silent studying. there's a pad of paper in his hands, hands twitching every so often to burn words through its pages.

there's a familiar sight; a girl he doesn't know, not particularly well, but he's aware of her presence -- like they've grown up in proximity of one another, still.

minato's sister.

but she isn't, is she?

he realizes he's been noticed. and he looks to her, the slightest bit dumbfounded, like he's trying to find the words--

eventually, he swallows. ]

Listen, I'm not doin' anything weird, I was just-- you know... checking this place out. Ok? Don't jump me.

[ a drawn out beat. ]

You're...

[ ... ]

Minato's...uh, pal, right?

[bonobos]

[ the question is left to percolate as nikolai flits to another -- sha-ming watches carefully, studying his expressions from behind the mask, searching for even the slightest crack in his veneer. this man operates on a scale so opposite to his own; it's strangely fascinating, he finds, like an experiment ready to be conducted. ]

You don't want it to. [ sha-ming states, repeating his own words back at him. ] But it does. Agreein' to it because you think it'll make a point in the face of yer own struggles... and being completely ready to do it, no questions asked, are two different things.

If you really wanted to stop being chained by your own existence, you'd just tell 'em to wipe you off the slate. Get rid of you altogether... I'm sure they would, you know...

But do you really want that? [ he smiles sharply. ] You know, back home-- people do this thing called cyberization, where they upload their consciousness to a place called "Heaven". It preserves it for you, but you lose your body, and you basically stop existing like a human does. No feelings, no thoughts, no problems...

Lots of people do that. Lots of people just like you. Except they're braver -- crazier...go the full way and everything. I wonder if a person like you would be able to handle a universe like ours?

[ there's a kind of cruelty in the way he says that; like he's thumbing at his innards, sifting through them leisurely. and then nikolai's finger is looped around his necklace, drawing him in, and sha-ming very shamelessly looks up at him from below. he's content to be beneath someone's heel' that's fine. ]

Nope! [ answered simply. ] Sorry, pal, I can't. Pretty sure they took away my ability to do that or whatever. Hope you aren't too disappointed. But as for that little q of yours...

It depends. Ain't reality whatever you make it? The things I see are true to me, and the things you see are true to you. So if you wanna think you're insane so bad, maybe you are.

But my reality... well, I just don't think you're that batshit. Psychology is pretty subjective -- I mean, behaviors are all social constructs anyways, right? Insanity was a thing humanity made up to try and categorize whatever didn't make sense to them.

Maybe you're just some guy and you don't wanna deal with that.

[ he reaches out slowly, and a thumb hooks into the collar of nikolai's shirt. still smiling-- ]

I'm a little jealous, yanno?

[orphne]

[Sha-Ming can be forgiven for thinking she's about to jump him, because she's marching toward him with determination on her face and her phone in hand. She's more assertive than Minato usually is, and she's been wearing her Evoker on her waist more and more often now that it's clear Aldrip is no longer the idyllic country village it had once been.

Of course, the effect is someone dimmed by the fact that she's being trailed by a lamb trying its best to keep up, bleating unhappily behind her because hey! Hey!! Can't just stop petting him like that!]

Did you call him?

[Straight to the point. The set of her eyes and the phone in her hand make it clear that if Sha-Ming hasn't talked to Minato yet, she's about to call him herself. They can exchange pleasantries in a second -- this is way more important!]

[quizpersona]

Do that and you're little more than a string of data that can be easily manipulated.

[ There's this heavy pause here. A quiet little smugness that means he is wearing a similar expression, all sharp smiles and cold eyes--there's an irony here Gogol feels he is aware of. That pause is fuelled by the current understanding of their reality, courtesy of the recent chat with Jerry. "What if I told you that you're already in that heaven?" he almost announces if only to see if this guy's expression will crumble in despair.

Instead he bites his own lip and worries it between his teeth with that manic expression. Seems he makes the choice to focus on the thing that actually matters to him personally. ]

You see? You're already sooo close to understanding why I wouldn't willingly take that option— it achieves nothing and does nothing for attaining my end goal! What you explained sounds pretty pointless if you ask me.

Because I'm built to be just as self-preserving as you. That means in spite of that nature I'd agree to cease existing because I would want to live. Despite the limits of our design you have free will—As do I! I know I have an animalistic brain and one day I'll figure out the way to prove the existence of that perfect freewill without a shadow of a doubt.

[ Jokes on you guy he both likes and hates it when the observations are mean and someone is thumbing through his innards. Momentarily, he's distracted by the thought that he could physically and literally thumbs through his organs in return in thanks. That hand comes at him so slowly but nothing is done to stop him from grabbing Nikolai by the collar. Instead Nikolai responds by shuffling across the bench to space invade and grab Sha-Ming at the wrist with his free hand. Doubling down! ]

Go on, tell me why you're jealous. Do you not feel like just some guy?

[ There's laughter in his voice. At a glance he knows they make for a weird picture on this otherwise serene park bench. That's part of the fun. ]

[bonobos]

[ interesting. a creature so fixated on the idea of control that he would destroy himself in the name of it. ]

Doesn’t how much you care trap ya more than anything else?

[ a person who cares so much, they spend every waking second of their life miserable over it. yes, that’s the greatest entrapment there is. ]

If you really wanted to achieve your goal… wouldn’t you stop caring about it at all? Every animal’s idea of self preservation is different. Language, behavior, connection, ideals and principles… those are all manmade things we came up with to try and understand the world around us.

But everything’s always changing. People, too… consciousness is the same. If you really wanted to be free, wouldn’t you stop giving a shit?

[ another smile, sleazy and unbothered, like tar. ]

Let me tell you something: God is fake. Who are you provin’ yourself to? Nobody’s watching. It’s just you and the cosmos, and the cosmos sure as hell doesn’t care.

[ then there are those fingers, pesky little fingers, wound tightly around his wrist. sha-ming’s eyes flicker up, interested, prodding at him. he licks his lower lip, just for a fleeting moment. ]

I am just some guy, trust me… but humanity — it’s a really interesting thing, yanno? I’ve spent my whole life trying to act like people do… but I just can’t do it. They always notice… always find somethin’ off about me. Like they can tell I’m an animal.

But you… ha. You’re so much of a person that it pisses you off. You gave all of that up to prove a point… and nobody even cares about it.

So yeah, I’m jealous.

[ a beat. ]

The coat looks good on you, by the way.

[fieldtrip]

[ Toph likes to stay active and ever since her stint living clueless in the woods, she's grown some fondness for the place. That on top of Minato explicitly asking her to check around for Sha-Ming means she regularly takes a sweep through, though doing so alone makes her miss her friends from home more than ever. It's exactly the kind of thing the rest of the Gaang would normally join her for.

With her ability to sense motion around her in a wide range, Toph doesn't need to do more than take a stroll. This ends with her standing directly underneath Sha-Ming's tree, pointing directly up at him with finger alone, staring sightlessly ahead rather than up. ]

You better get down here right now or I'm going to make you get down.

[ He's obviously fine and he's obviously been here for a while, which means she's mad on top of worried. ]

[quizpersona]

[ The notion that a person can become trapped by themself... It's not the first time someone has arrived at a similar conclusion and presented it to him. In fact, it's the conclusion he came to first. It goes beyond God. It goes beyond socialization. Yet it involves both. It's something deeply internalized and oh so hard to escape from. ]

How I've come to understand any of those concepts is precisely what might turn me into a flightless bird you could study. The one with broken wings, but one that otherwise lives life with some level of satisfaction within the confines of the cage... and it's a lot more fun if you figure out what the cage is a metaphor by yourself!

[ It's his own brain. The one that stalls for a second. Between the flash of pink he watches wet a lower lip, the undivided attention, and the legitimate compliment lays the reason for a hint of fluster. Because it's cute really--the effort being made. ]

Oh, ehehe, you think so do you? Speaking of that, though.

[ The hold on the necklace is abandoned for now. Really he is quietly impressed Sha-Ming didn't flinch having his hand so close to his throat considering it's the same one that helped choke him to death. Without announcing the reason why Gogol reaches back to a pocket to fish something out.

It's the phone that was... left behind. Unintentionally, one could say. The evil giggle is a preemptive one but his plan is apparent soon enough when instead of merely handing it back he slips it down the front of Sha-Ming's shirt, pats the area between the collar bone and pec in a way that's definitely a little condescending, and winks. ]

That's yours !

[bonobos]

[ for a moment, his shoulders stiffen at the sight of gogol's hand drifting back to his pocket -- it's instinctive. but then there's a slab of steel he recognizes well, and it glides down skin, catching against the crevice between his pecs before falling against his lap. fingers smooth down the open expanse of his skin, and sha-ming's breath hitches for a fraction for a second. for the first time in this conversation, he looks to be visibly taken aback.

ah. ]

...Kept that thing on you, huh... [ even as he attempts to deflect, he's clearly offkilter. ] You really do like me, don't you?

[ he slots the phone back into his own pocket. suddenly, his fingers grasp for the tail end of gogol's braid, fiddling with his hair. ]

Nikolai. [ he speaks firmly, expression level. ]

Lemme study you.

[ ...? ]

I've been thinkin' about it. [ a pause. ] Going back to my roots. Taking a different path. You're so human it hurts you. You're the control group I need to compare to the rest of the species out there.

[ he thumbs against the band holding his braid in place, gaze squarely fixed on his. ]

...If I take ya apart, top to bottom, we might be able to find the answer you're looking for.

[bonobos]

[ it hurts. sha-ming holds his gaze, expression inscrutable. the corners of his lips quirk up, a sad little smile playing along them, eyes soft. ]

...

[ sha-ming steps towards him, no warning or explanation as to what he intends on doing. touch, contact, the warmth of another body; these were things he grew up with, staples of communication.

so, sha-ming sets his hands onto minato's shoulders before looping his arms around him, pulling him into an embrace. ]

I'm not gonna abandon you, kid.

[ it's a half truth; when it comes down it, he'll always pick minato over himself. ]