Hades stares at Hythlodaeus silently. This is how his friend had felt? Hythlodaeus had never once expressed this fear with him. He can understand why, but at the same time...he had thought that there were few secrets between them. Hythlodaeus may have had many friends, yes, yet there had been few who could claim to know the man as well as Hades (and Azem) did.
His grip does slacken a little but he does not let go entirely. Comfort is not something he is used to giving. However, he can see that Hythlodaeus needs it right now. Some sort of reassurance that they are not useless, that Hades will never leave him behind.
"You are not useless," he mutters. "'Twas only when you were gone that I realised...I needed you. Both you and Azem. The nights were long and lonely without the warmth of your humour and company. I had no-one to vent my frustrations to. I had no-one to consult. I couldn't bear to speak to anyone for a long time after the Sundering. All I kept seeing were sickly, pale souls in need of restoring. Any single one I befriended would die before a century had passed. You know how little a century means to our people, Hythlodaeus. I was at a loss.
"So I pretended to be you when I stepped into the flesh of others. I tried to mimic your charm, your wit, your banter - and I hated every moment I had their eyes on me. I wanted to shrink into the background and pull on strings from the shadows. But I couldn't always. Whenever the eyes of the masses rested upon me, I felt the weight of their expectations. They never knew I was plotting their deaths in service to Zodiark, so by necessity, I kept them all at a distance."
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His grip does slacken a little but he does not let go entirely. Comfort is not something he is used to giving. However, he can see that Hythlodaeus needs it right now. Some sort of reassurance that they are not useless, that Hades will never leave him behind.
"You are not useless," he mutters. "'Twas only when you were gone that I realised...I needed you. Both you and Azem. The nights were long and lonely without the warmth of your humour and company. I had no-one to vent my frustrations to. I had no-one to consult. I couldn't bear to speak to anyone for a long time after the Sundering. All I kept seeing were sickly, pale souls in need of restoring. Any single one I befriended would die before a century had passed. You know how little a century means to our people, Hythlodaeus. I was at a loss.
"So I pretended to be you when I stepped into the flesh of others. I tried to mimic your charm, your wit, your banter - and I hated every moment I had their eyes on me. I wanted to shrink into the background and pull on strings from the shadows. But I couldn't always. Whenever the eyes of the masses rested upon me, I felt the weight of their expectations. They never knew I was plotting their deaths in service to Zodiark, so by necessity, I kept them all at a distance."